Seeking Joy in 2020

To say this has been quite a year is an understatement. 2020 is one we won’t soon forget. Between the changes in schedules, the social distancing and isolation, sickness, financial strain, and fears of the unknown, it’s enough to overwhelm us all. We’ve all been thrust into a world of decision fatigue. What once were simple decisions to make are now decisions that most of us labor over. We run through a series of what if’s before going anywhere or participating in anything. We weigh the pros and cons and have to decide if any activity is worth the risk it could bring. We are missing out on family gatherings, lunches with friends, sports, small groups, weddings, baby showers, and birthdays. We are mourning the loss of time and togetherness. What once was an easy yes, like Thanksgiving dinner with our loved ones, is a decision we labor over and are still unsure if we did the right thing. Each day brings the constant battle of deciding what to do and what to say no to, and it’s exhausting and emotionally draining. We are all weary, so what can we do? We can lean into God. He is not weary. The Creator of Heaven and Earth is not surprised or emotionally drained or ready to throw in the towel. Colossians 1:17 says, "He is before all things, and by Him all things hold together." He is in complete control and is holding it all together, despite the chaos warring in our souls and all around us. I won’t lie, I’ve struggled to rest in that, and I’m willing to bet, you have too? I've spent a lot more time than I care to admit worrying over the what ifs lately.

On top of all of the Covid related stressors, our family unexpectedly lost our matriarch in August. It was a loss we did not anticipate and one that continues to break our hearts each day. As I was lamenting to God on Thanksgiving Day (oh the irony), I started down my list of grievances and I heard a gentle whisper, “but will you praise Me?” I paused and said, of course I will Lord, but in my heart I didn’t want to praise, I wanted to wallow. I wanted to beat my fists on the table and list all the ways this year has been hard on us and ask why?? And honestly I did some of that. He can handle our anger, fears, and questions. But after we lay it all at His feet, we have a choice. Will we continue to praise Him and find our joy in Him when it is hard to find joy in this world? Habakkuk 3:17-18 says, “Though the fig tree does not bud and there is no fruit on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though the flocks disappear from the pen and there are no herds in the stalls, yet I will celebrate in the Lord; I will rejoice in the God of my salvation.” I have a choice, we all have a choice. Despite all we’ve missed out on and all of our loss, He has never been absent. And on Thanksgiving day, He was reminding me that I could choose to focus on all that is wrong, or I could praise Him. He is always good and nothing in 2020 can take away His goodness. If you need a reminder of His love for us (or a good cry), listen to Jenn Johnson sing Goodness of God. That song played a lot during the time that we lost Nan, and the lyrics are so powerful. It came on during my Thanksgiving lament (oxymoron?) and the pain of my temporary circumstances was met with the truth of God's eternal goodness. We may not get to choose what happens to us during this confusing and frustrating time, but we do get to choose to find our joy in God. Covid can’t take that away from us, and in the end, our hope and joy in God is what will matter.

So, how do we find joy in Christ? We build a relationship with Him. We spend time in His presence everyday, even when we don't feel like it. For me, I am learning that it's putting my phone down and picking my Bible up. It's turning up praise and worship when I am feeling worried. It's intentionally meeting with God in prayer on a daily basis. It's reading books that point me to a holier life. It's service and fellowship with others. These things take discipline and time, but eventually that discipline becomes devotion. I am writing this blog as a reminder for myself and as a way of processing all that has happened. I don't have all of these things down, I'm not amazing at any of them, but I know seeking Him is the answer to all of our problems. I hope that as I sort through what is in my head and heart, it resonates with you in some way and spurs you on in seeking joy in Him. So take your laments, your sadness and weariness, pour it out at His feet and allow Him to fill you back up. Romans 15:13 says it perfectly, "Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you believe so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." 2020 can't steal our joy when it's rooted in the Joy-Giver.