Yes People

Guilty. We are yes people. My husband and I always find ourselves saying yes when we are asked to do something. When we are asked to speak at this event, help with that event, or be on this committee, we often respond with an excited YES! And then a few days later, the guilt creeps in. Enter condescension (aka Satan): "You shouldn't be leading that- you won't have that one evening a week with your own kids! What kind of mother are you?" Mom guilt. If you are a mom, you probably know that ugly voice pretty well. The voice that tells you that you aren't a good enough mother, that other people are doing a better job than you, that you don't live up to the supermom down the street. This week I realized something- that dreaded voice was echoing in my head, but not in my heart.

Let me explain... that condescending, accusatory voice is different than the gentle conviction from our Heavenly Father. Sometimes I will feel God's conviction when our schedules get too busy and I know that out of obedience I need to cut back on things. I can feel that in my heart. But lately God has been asking me to let go of the guilt I've been feeling because it's not from Him, it's in my head. I'm not sure if that makes sense to you, but I slowly began to realize that those voices stemmed more from comparison (the thief of joy!) rather than conviction.

I had (unknowingly) been comparing myself to others. In short, my weekly plans don't look the same as my other mom friends and the enemy was trying to convince me that their best yes should be my best yes as well. My friends are making the best choices for their families, but we don't have the same families. Everyone is in a different season. One day our season will look different than it does now. I am happy for my friends and their choices because that's what's best for their families, but I have finally realized that there is more than one good choice.

I've found freedom in saying yes because I am being obedient. For me to give up something that God is calling me to do would be disobedience. How do we know what God is calling us to? Through lots of prayer and reading His Word. He doesn't call us all to the same things!

I find joy in the things that He calls me to do. I love ministering to other women, leading a life group, and serving with Operation Christmas Child. In this season, it's okay for me to do those things and still be devoted to our family. It's always about balance. Sometimes He releases us from the things that He previously called us to. I recently and prayerfully made the decision not to recommit to being on the year round OCC team and to just focus on being the OCC project leader at our church. This will free up some extra time for me to devote to our family.

My husband and I also decided we are going to be intentional about planning one fun adventure each week for our family. This will help us to be more mindful of connecting as a family and it will look different each week... a movie, a hike, camping, a backyard firepit with s'mores, an evening at the lake, etc. Saying yes to intentional family time is important and saying yes to ministry opportunities is important as well. Those opportunities bring me joy and are a form of self care for me.

Self care comes in many different forms, it might look like a cup of coffee before everyone wakes up, a massage and a pedicure, or lunch with a friend. Self care can also look like volunteering at a charity event or being a chaperone on a middle school youth trip (if you're really crazy! Ha!). It took me a long time to realize that my life doesn't have to look like someone else's just because we have similar family units. Our families are different and different is good! John 10:10 says, "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly." Abundant life. Jesus came so we can have abundant life! What does that look like for you? Is the thief keeping you from living life abundantly?

A counselor friend of ours encourages everyone to come up with a family mission statement and to base their decisions around their family mission. We haven't exactly written out a mission statement (although we might!) but we know that our mission is to love big, serve and lead by example for our children. It's lifegiving for us to serve in our church and community and our kids see that because we take them with us. It's not as difficult as it sounds (though when they were smaller it was harder!). For example, we are youth sponsors so we hosted a middle school youth swim night at someone's house. We took our kids (ages 4 and 6) and the middle schoolers clapped for them as they jumped in the water, carried them around, and cheered them on as they tried to swim. Now our kids have tons of big kid friends who hug them and high five them when they see them.

We aren't perfect at this whole best yes/balancing thing. Sometimes we overload our schedules, sometimes we say yes to things we probably should've said no to, but that's life. In this season, we've learned that it's okay to say yes to things that we feel called to do, things we have to do, and things we want to do. I know that when our kids get older and start playing sports we may have to start saying no to some opportunities so that we can say yes to supporting them on the ball field or on the stage, but for now, we are finding a good balance for our family. And sometimes we find that we are off balance and have to reposition some things!

So next time you hear a voice telling you that you shouldn't do something, ask yourself- is this conviction from the Holy Spirit or comparison? You can be a good mom, a good friend, a good daughter, a good volunteer, a good leader, a good ___________. Pray about it and seek the Lord in all you do. Just know that your best yes may look different from the girl next door, and that's okay. 1 Peter 4:10 says, "Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms." Go use those gifts without guilt! :)